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in love with chocolates
Sunday, February 11, 2007

hello people. i'm finally blogging. again. haha.

havent been that good. i dont know why but i like to blog when i'm feeling sad.
so if you're seeing an absense of posts, it's good HAHA.

all of a sudden happy songs dont seem to work no more. they're just a quick tune with no meaning whatsoever. sad songs are more meaningful. szeyen lent me J.T's album. and his lyrics make a lot of sense. especially losing my way. no wonder she's so in love with him haha.

valentine's day's like round the corner. havent finished making the presents yet. i think this week's gonna be super hectic. tmr math pt's gonna be given out, and proposal is due end of this week, which is friday. then yuwen and i have to present chinese newspaper, one whole weeks' worth of chinese newspapers which i havent started reading on thurs. and i have to finish making vday presents by wed. and i have dental appointment on tues. what the shit i'm stressed but i'm not doing anything. each day i just stress myself out with worries but i dont really do much to relieve my workload. and trainings havent been good, for me at least. so i really dont know what's going on in my life. it's like a total mess. and i cant seem to bring myself up. like everything's just going downdowndown. burnout man. and i've been sleeping late so everyday i cant do much hmwk coz i'll fall asleep at my table. and i cant keep up man i got 14 for physics diagnostic. and my chinese is really dying. chemistry i'm like quite okay but i'm gonna die for QA spa. and it doesnt help when you feel yourself sinking further and further into depression. and it really sucks. it's like. one moment you're laughing and joking and the next moment, you're hearing laughters around you while you sink into your own dark world where everything sucks shit. and tears just come down, you cant stop it.

no wonder mel thinks i'll commit suicide if i work in a bank HAHA.

yes you cant blame the Lord for putting all these obstacles in your life. but sometimes it's just so hard to accept all these and still believe that all this are His doings and it'll ultimately lead you to a better place. honestly, it's hard to believe that when you're super down and feel like giving up entirely. but girl, dont give up. we've been through that phase, and i suppose this is the first major one in your life. you just have to grit your teeth and push your way through all the shame and disappointment. noone does well all the time. so all we can do is just pray hard, and most importantly, you not to give up on yourself. loves <3

i'm just so scared of talking to you
knowing you'll just put on a front
but all the time i keep guessing how you're feeling
how you actually are
but i never can think aloud,
can i?

5:33 AM

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